In 99% of this stinker, nothing happens. It's some people sitting and talking. That's all. Once the "killer" arrives, the killer just sort of strolls around a little and make a halfhearted attempt or two at a stab. The identity of the killer is obvious from the start. It is boring, very boring. I've seen more action in a cemetery. Do yourself a favor and watch grass grow. It will be a more exciting night than watching this trash. On a good note, some acting was alright.
Lantern's Lane
2021
Action / Comedy / Horror / Thriller
Lantern's Lane
2021
Action / Comedy / Horror / Thriller
Plot summary
A recent college graduate and her estranged high school friends return to Lantern's Lane, the location of an evil urban legend and must fight to survive the night.
Uploaded by: FREEMAN
November 05, 2021 at 03:14 AM
Director
Top cast
Tech specs
720p.WEB 1080p.WEBMovie Reviews
Yikes. Awful.
Lantern's Lane: Mediocrity in an ocean of meh
Plot
A recent college graduate and her estranged high school friends return to Lantern's Lane, the location of an evil urban legend and must fight to survive the night.
Cast
Not familiar with anyone involved.
Verdict
I grew up with slashers, I remember the days they were the biggest sub-genre within horror but they were gradually phased out as the popularity waned and I'd imagine that happened because they became predictable, uninspired and they saturated the industry too much.
You'd think for this reason they'd hold a place in my heart but truth be told though a horror fanatic, slashers are one of the weakest sub-genres for me.
For this reason I went into Lantern's Lane assuming the worst, though I did like the killers mask here.
It's everything you expect when going into a slasher, the tropes, the cliches, but oddly not the kills. You see the character roster is low therefore picking them off one by one was never really on the cards and this slasher essential finds itself lacking. How can a slasher lack kills? It makes up for it in other areas right? A thinking mans slasher perhaps? Nope, it's a bog standard unoriginal one that just doesn't offer one of the few things such a movie absolutely positively needs.
Lanterns Lane is lazy, lacks the basics and brings nothing to the table.
Rants
You know I despise the Scream series, okay fine the first was watchable but they went down a predictable uninspired generic route double quick and I lost interest. Then the modern ones with Ortega came out and I disliked them for a different reason, the lack of believability to comedic levels. What I mean by that is that being a stabbed seems to be more of an inconvenience than a threat to life. You will see characters get stabbed repeatedly, the blade pulled up through the persons flesh as if they're being disemboweled and they manage to flee and are seen later simply with a bandage on. The last movie especially was laughable to next level degrees, even the one character near the end who got stabbed easily two dozen times by both killers simultaneously was on a gurney moments later laughing, joking and kissing his girl!
The Good
Killer looked okay
The Bad
Predictable stuff
Very bland
Simply not enough kills/horror.
Geico Halloween commercial...
So, remember the Geico commercial that plays around Halloween? The one in which a group of teens decide to "hide behind the chainsaws" in a old shed! The Killer" appears behind them as they run out aimlessly into a dark field yelling "Head for the Cemetery"? Well, imagine now that same commercial of nothing bad decisions made in a horror film....this is that movie! You're welcome!